One day of serious ups and downs.

I've been pretty shattered today and somewhat lacking in energy but given the day I had yesterday I can't say I'm surprised. Bit of an emotional roller coaster shall we say.

It started with a relatively early start of 7am with a trip to the job centre for 9 urgh. I've never been before and it was strange having to apply for some benefits to help me while I try to find a job. I've had a job from the second I left school and not having an income is an incredibly uncomfortable feeling. But trying to find a job that has to fit around sleep patterns, getting 'ill' at a moments notice and the possibility of ending up on the floor at ANY given time while on the job amongst looking like I'm ignoring people I might be dealing with if I were to have an absence seizure is no easy task. Even though I specifically told them that I had uncontrolled epilepsy over the phone they still gave me an appointment with a regular advisor who was not informed I had epilepsy so had no idea what I was talking about when I started discussing factors I had to place a job around like sleep patterns (how embarrassing..) So now I have to wait to see another advisor who specialises in disability and employment. It's another little set back but only a little one so for now I'll just keep looking for jobs until I see them in about 2 weeks.

Anywho in preparation for my job centre appointment I had to show my bank statements now I hadn't checked these in a while to be honest and was very shocked to find that I had some money in there that I really wasn't expecting to see. It was some bursary money from the university that had been paid in at the beginning of May.Two months after I'd left university... So obviously the money isn't mine (as much as I appreciate the gesture!!) so as soon as I got back from town I went straight up to university to see the people in finance to tell them that they'd given me some money that wasn't for me because I was currently on interruption of studies. But when she checked the system it said I was still studying full time and told me to go and see Data Services to see why it wasn't showing up on the system. So I did and guess what... there was NOTHING on the system to say that I had left. I can't even put into words the plain anger that just shot straight through me. Now I have this lump of money that isn't mine sitting in my bank account being counted against me in terms of financial support I might be able to get from else where PLUS my student loan application for next year is going to buggered up entirely because the loan company don't have confirmation from the university that I'm not attending anymore. I won't go to far into details as to be honest I can feel myself getting angry again just thinking about it. As my mum (who I well and truly vented to over the phone while storming off campus) quite rightly pointed out this is the problem with large systems. No one ever seems to take into consideration the effects it has one the person the whole thing centres around. I was far from impressed and I'll leave it at that.

Luckily I'd had the chance to calm down a little before the gas service people turned up to check the house. So as the gas men pottered around with the boiler in my room watched over by the land lady, my housemate and I, the conversation turned to hamsters... as you do.. and it was with this conversation that I discovered you can bath hamsters!!! HOW I didn't know this I don't know but I am definitely going to see if she likes it.. hehe she'll either love it or hate it! Apologies in advance Sesame.. :) This made me feel happier again I love when random chats bring up things like that make way for a little smiling. 

But just when I was feeling a bit better I had a call from the hospital regarding the  running incident I encountered a couple of weeks ago. On top of that I've had other weird symptoms that are worrying me slightly. Any who after speaking with her for a while she advised that I go and see my doctor ASAP. As what I described is very unlikely to be anything to do with the 2000mg per day of Keppra I'm currently on. I really don't need something else to be wrong :( I haven't been for a run since. To be honest I'm to scared too! But given that I'm running the race for life at the end of June I will back into it VERY soon and just hope that I don't end up getting ill again. So now I have a doctors appointment for wait for it... the 26th of may!!!! How long of a wait is that!?

Later in the evening I went over to Cardiff to an art auction and print sale being held by the third year students of photographic art. It was a lovely event in a awesome venue and from what I saw I think a good success in raising funds for their graduating publication. It was weird though being amongst the hustle and bustle of an event that I was supposed to be a part of as a student. Watching the people I've spent the past few years studying with busy preparing for their finishing university knowing I was supposed to be with them was surprisingly hard to deal with. Of course though it was good to see them cracking on with everything amongst the stress of imminent final assessments and graduation show and I wish them all the very best :) It was nice to see everyone and chat but a very bitter sweet feeling. One of tutors came over to have a chat with me though which was nice :) It was nice to talk about starting university again in a postitive manner. As far and she and I are concerned it's happening. I will get some more control over siezures and their effects and it will happen. :D

Then last night I had a rubbish nights sleep. Nightmare after nightmare. A response to such rapid changes in mood. :( Ahh well better look on the bright side nightmares are far better than seizures!

I commend anyone for reading all of that ramble!

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