A Need to Vent

Last night I couldn't sleep for ages because of tonnes of stuff flying around my mind so I'm just going to vent it all!

To say its been a roller coaster of a few days doesn't even come close..

There was some big confusion over handing in my Extenuating Circumstances form to uni without evidence as my doctor provided me with a letter that was completely wrong in the little information is actually contained. So its back to square one with that one but I can't speak to him again until Monday. Which meant that in order to hand in my EC form before the 10 working days deadline (which was yesterday) I had to hand in without evidence. I can't go into detail on here as it is an issue that affects my degree so pretty important but basically it took me numerous attempts to actually get someone to take it as iIwas given conflicting advice and so on. One person said yes hand it in without evidence and another person saying no that's not possible. blah blah blah.

So it turned into this big thing which in the end I had to inform my tutor of my troubles in a panicky sounding email. I don't know what he did but a short time later I received an email from someone clarifying what I should do. *Hand it in without evidence. It will be date stamped. Get your evidence in ASAP.* Fair enough. Case closed. Although I do have to say this was MY problem why I had to spread onto my extremely busy tutor I have no idea. I can't stand having to take up other peoples time when there really shouldn't have been any need. 

Anyway it was all very stressful as like I said before its effects my degree!!

Plus I don't find out if I was successful until April....which is fair enough I know these things take time but urghhh. ANOTHER wait. Fabulous. And if I'm not successful well I don't know what I do... Tense. 

I'm just so fed up of being messed around. Straight answers anywhere in life seem to be like gold dust at the moment. I didn't realise I could cause such grief. Everything no matter how simple seems to turn into a battle!

I'm not an angry person and if only to get it off my mind I'll say this. It scared me. In the moment I sent the email to my tutor I was at the point of not caring about my work anymore. I just wanted to take my assessment and accept whatever grade and couldn't care less about what grade it was. It's exhausting and a constant struggle to even keep up with the requirements of the course both academically and physically. It may seem little to some but for me the work load is immense. I want to do the best I can and for the moment that also means trying to learn a tonne of new skills to get what I want from my work. But sometimes it seems that theres is always something trying to slow me down. I was ready to throw the towel in. Give up. Just leave. I found myself questioning why I didn't just defer a year. Almost angry at myself that I didn't.

It's funny how such a simple thing as handing in a form can lead to such emotional chaos. 

Anyway onwards and upwards... it's not all doom and gloom. My new assessement date is this Thursday. If I scrape a pass then I'll be SO SO happy.

XX