University, the final decision.

The prospect of restarting my final year at university is well and truly on my mind. Term starts in just a few weeks. 

While I was in hospital my dad rang. Of course to ask how I was etc but the one bit of conversation that really clung to mind was when he said my enrollment papers had come through the post. I thought this is it, it's actually happening, I'm going back to university. So I replied with "great can you post them on to me?" Then there was that silence... you know, the silence that screams a thousand words. Eventually followed by "I don't think you should go back to university this year..." The word shocked doesn't even come close. I got that awful pang in my chest, the one you get when you almost trip down the stairs. Of course he meant it in a nice way, but no one has actually said that to me outright. He's worried that given my condition has not improved I will end up having to drop out again. It gave me a lot to think about while lying in that hospital bed.

I know it's a risk, I might not be able to finish the year or get decent grades. But I know no matter when I finish this degree it won't be as high of a standard had I completed it without Epilepsy. That's just a fact I've come to except. It's a also risk to wait until next year. Next year would be final chance to complete my degree. (we get five years in total to finish a 3 year degree) and let's face it who's to say my seizures and their effects won't be worse then. Of course I hoping that they won't!!!... but they might be.

I want to go back to university this year, and I'm going to. It's different this year, yes my Epilepsy is still very uncontrolled but I know it's there. I know that anything could happen and at any time, but so do the university and more importantly, my tutors are more than well aware . The fact I have uncontrolled Epilepsy already exists unlike last year where it crept up from no where and literally punched me in the face and turned my life upside down.

There will be problems, of course there will. I had an appointment with a DSA (Disabled Student Allowance) advisor a couple of weeks ago. We went through everything that could possibly crop up during the year at university. Any problems from not being able to attend lectures or seminars to having a big seizure whilst I'm in the dark rooms. There is a solution to almost everything. For example it has been agreed that when ever I choose to use the darkrooms there will be someone there with me, a 'chaperone' if you will. I had the option of having someone with me at all times while on campus but I simply said no. Being on campus is just the same as being anywhere else in my life. The threat of a seizure is always there and if it happens it happens and hopefully the situation would resolve itself in just the same way as as if I was off campus. The darkrooms however are completely different. They are exactly that, DARK and depending on which darkroom I happen to be in they could be PITCH BLACK. It is a totally different environment. Chemical vapours fill the air, you constantly walk from room to room with anything from, changes in temperature to changes in light in a split second. Anything from daylight to red light to pitch black. While developing camera film there is also a point in the process where I will need to lock myself in a small light tight room. Not the best place to have a seizure and be on my own...! That's not counting the sharp edges and corners, heavy apparatus that I could pull over, numerous chemicals in open containers I could spill and many more hazards. But the thing is it's not only me I could end up hurting but anyone else that happens to be in there at the same time. Just the thought of someone else being hurt makes me shudder. 

There's other stuff to that the university has offered me too from extra time on assignments should I choose to take it and any presentations I have to do I will offered the opportunity to read from a script I have written should I need to instead of recalling all the information from memory given the effects on my memory, something that's usually not encouraged.

So there it is. I'm going  back to university to re start my final year and finish my degree. I'm nervous I mean I am going to be joining a completely new class it's like starting at a new school :D but I'm also very very excited!  Role on the arty goodness!

:)